face it...

looks may not mean everything, but it takes up the majority of impressions formed. it stays that way, not because of materialism, or even the need to look presentable. there is scientific proof! it is based on evolution, and how the better genes are selected while unfavourable ones gradually eliminated. the choice for beauty and strength simply brings hope for the offspring and thus it's offspring and so on. this applies to the modern world, where looks carry out jobs for people. to make friends, to get into a position, to be waht you want to be, but WAY easier with good looks. the world from evolution forced us into vain pots, not that it compromises on brains for some of us! so in a way, we're allowed to say that it's in our genes to want to look good and also to look for people with good looks (to mate with, in an animal's pt of view). see, that's y we're attracted to handsome lads and pretty gals. it's only natural so don't feel like u're a judging person, or that u're being judged so often. with great looks, one need not put in any effort to get the job done, while the opposite can be devastating. luckily, looks are but 1 thing. we still have personality, talent/skills and values to bring us out!

unfortunately, i was never born with good looks. my skin is terrible, my structure is weird, and to top it off, fats. far from the model-looking me, i try to be someone i'm not. just to redeem myself, and to get more attention, or even to meet new people. friends who know me know i have a very strong inferiority complex, mainly derived from looks. through discrimination though, i realise that i can like myself for who i want to become. and to better cherish those ard me, for they are with me not because i fake friendship, nor was it looks that brought us to a common topic (if anything, it would deter them).

back to the topic of skin. u know how hard it is a struggle for me. i hate it when some random aunties come up to u and scrutinise ur face, then go, "aiyoh. u never wash face ah? tsk tsk tsk." then i awkardly smile and tell them of cos i do. i tell u, one more time it happens i'm so gonna stuff my 10+ bottles of expensive facial treatments, that i painstakingly travelled and queued from 6am to 10am to see the dermatologist, into their mouths! so much for not washing my face. hello?! i apply dunno how many layers twice a day, on top of washing, duh! tiring, but it does help so i'm glad. though my skin ain't as good as i want it to be, at least i feel more comfortable facing ppl now. and not try to hide my big pimply face. there has to be an evolutionary reason for y acne even occured. must have been to detox by pushing out of skin. but y those ppl who don't have this 'function' can live so well? they no toxins in their body ah? or they remove it in a better way? either way, they win this.

enough on this topic of looks. moving on to how i'm always under-appreciated. doing more and being proactive actually brought more harm than those who hecked it. unfair huh?! i do, they get. i help them, i get betrayed and they steal it from me. how is it u're unfree for work that i have to cover for u, and as a result i miss out on my opportunity. only to find that u were free but stole my opportunity from me? in simple words, i do a double job without pay, and she gets my paid job. and it isn't the 1st time already, that's y i'm angry. u know, sometimes i dunno y i put in so much effort. wad's the pt? they don't do anything but get rewarded. i do mine well and even theirs for them and i get punishment in return?

then again, the happy angelic me jumps out and ignores all previous words in this post. rather, appreciate what i have now and be happy. doesn't matter who it's for, always do the right thing. if there're consequences to bear, take it like a man. if not for anything else, at least it puts my mind at ease, for i know i've done the right thing. and never ask for anything in return, for only then can I receive eternal happiness. NO MORE EMO-NESS EVER! YAY!

love yall!

P.S. SHINee is my new fav! suju is resting. lol!

P.P.S. I'm coming back soon! 27 nov! await my arrival!

Like a deflated balloon...

then thrown on the wall over and over again. Finally, I get pierced on my sides so that I may never inflate again.

I hate emo-ing, but I can't help it. I try always to stand up, as I will now. But what to do. I can never be happy unless the world allows me to. Be positive hern!

Freedom from discomfort from AVA welfare's head point of view, wasn't exactly followed through was it? How contradictory. I'm not allowed to on my heater at night when i sleep? so i'm supposed to freeze to death? and how can you threaten to charge us for the running costs of your hospital? hey, you used most of it yourself. I hate unneccesary stress! to be constantly worried about things I was promised I didn't need to. like as if i dun already have enough on my hands.

my life isn't as good as i want it to be, but i'd always hope for the better. I must have been a really bad person my past life. i don't ask for much, do I? i lead a simple life going for all the simple things. i buy the cheapest housebrands, i dun go for high tech, i dun need luxury. just... my family and happiness.

Happy National Day!

went for sing soc's NDP celebration with live screening yesterday! i bought 2 lucky draw tickets, and got 1 more from a friend who left early. there were 12 goodie bags to be given out. out of at leats 70 ppl, i won all 3! wad were the odds. go out take until i shy lor! but i took 1 only lah. the others give others. but yay! i love fun packs!

so this yr, my 2nd yr in sydney. we too celeb ndp. to be able to watch it and u know how much i LOVE NDP! i love to be in every part of it. so watching ndp live on site is always to die for. ok. not that serious, but u get it. i used to ballot like crazy and join draws on newspaper and radio and news stations but always never got tickets through them! nvm, now that i won fun pack(s), i can also win tickets too! haha.

anyway, a random thought. whenevr i stand next to him, i feel so stressed. girls like him and thinks he's cute. and so it becomes the very scene of Hot vs Not. i'm Not, duh. eek. i feel like nothing.

my heart lies in Singapore, so much i think i should be a minister. seriously.

Sujulicious...

I just coined this word. don't you think it sounds like 'so delicious'? either way, that's what i meant! lol!

*Suju's 4th album on loop all the time, including now! it's playing miina now! yeow! time to bounce!*

I've also been into SNSD and CNBLUE recently. knowing snsd from gee till today, they're not to bad to watch! quite a funny bunch! taehyeon is kinda natural and cute! as for cnblue, i got to know them through their mv 'love love love'. cool. then i got introduced to the variety programme "We got married", featuring seohyun (from snsd) and yonghwa (from cnblue), where they slowly get to know each other and eventually lead a mock wedded life. it is fun to watch and i know people melt so many times for either of them are nomu aegyo/kayopta! and i know why yonghwa is such a fav now! finished all 12 episodes in 1 day! and waiting for more to be uploaded as they're being released.

haha. i still dunno if i should stop the k wave from hitting me. it is getting stronger. but that also means that i 'waste' more time on them, thinking about them. my life revolves around them somewhat now, even before i sleep! horrible. for now still ok cos it's hols. but when term starts i gotta control!

annionghigaseyo!

i need inspiration, i need spontaneity, i need stimulation.

I say 안녕하새, you say 요! 안녕하새, 요! 안녕하새, 요!

The K wave hit me hard, or rather Super Junior has managed to charm me to follow them, not just for a song or two, but for almost everything of theirs. I do feel ashamed at times bouncing along to SuJu hits, but then again, it is such fun! even shamelessly saying, i feel like a part of them. the secret side of me that wishes so much to be an artiste, having so much fun performing, singing, acting, dancing, hosting...

well, as i float along the k wave, my friend's k wave joined with mine and it resulted in a cascade down a rapid. (geog students, this is called a tributary. right or not ah? eh, i only did p geog till sec 2 ok...) it's like white water rafting but without the raft. lol! so you can imagine, we got really wet! basically, without the metophors, i was saying that my friend and i both found out we like suju and thus the blast of liking them even more due to the friendship that binded all of this tgt. yes, i do admit, i do feel like a girl esp when watching them. then again, i do feel like a girl all the time. haha!

i was considering resisting the waves but, you know, they ain't so famous for nothing, so i decided to go with the flow, but just enough not to get to the waterfall.

yes, it's the hols for me! so yes i am happy. i should be happy. y shouldn't I? but the thing is, i don't really feel the hols, and i know why.

firstly, I don't have many close friends in sydney, for the reasons i mentioned before such as to focus on studies. so i'm glad i did. but that also meant that i may not lead such a happy social life for uni, which is sad! most of my friends here have returned to sg for the hols (so envious), while others take their breaks by going on trips around Aus.

as for me, i've been working at the clinic once in a while. the rest of my time, i sleep, watch suju's game shows, drama, movie, interviews, live performances, mvs, dances, dance covers, song covers, guitar/piano covers, personal bibliographies, almost everything about suju u can find on youtube basically. i refresh the page everyday to find new things about them to watch by placing my search under 'most viewed' or 'latest uploads'. am i a fan or what? that's why i say i do feel embarassed. afterall, i'm no longer a young teenage girl. then again, i know it doesn't matter. so Suju: Aja Aja Hwaiting!

and i've also decided to improve on my korean, haha. yes, because of suju as well. glad that i learnt korean during ns via my friend/son, ham, and that i started learning at that time not because of anything else but due to a pure interest in the language. i do like learning new languages. i wanna be a language master! the thing is, i always mix up jap with korean. being better at jap, when i try to speak korean, it mixes with jap sentences or words to cover for my lack of korean vocabulary. and it sounds right and wrong at the same time!

thanks to my dearest 7! for ur love! i feel it! so happy when i got ur package (which didn't have my name on it btw!) and to jam too, for ur short but sweet post!

till later! love you!

exams!

in 2 weeks!

I will Jia You!

Love yall, herny!

tomorrow...

is my 22nd birthday. really glad so many of you remembered and wished me way before the day itself! haha! thank fb too, cos that's where many ppl got that, and where i get reminded of urs too! oops. haha!

u know, i missed my 22nd in sg, along with many of those fine moments of others' that i couldn't attend. the sadder fact is i will have to miss all of those for another 5 yrs. most of them that is. well, for myself, i don't have that many friends here in sydney. reasons being, i don't really wanna make so many friends cos i've basically outgrown the age where i need many friends for reassurance. those few of u that matters is more than enough! *HUGS* another reason being i don't go out often and don't meet many new faces, so that i can focus more on studies. u know. friends most of the time = go out = not studying. lol! i do sound like a mugger, my goal to be one in fact!

i'm doing horses tmw. so that's a bonus. sounds wrong. haha! ok, i'm going to camden for horse pracs tmw. fun! but it may rain so i need to get my rain gear. then at night, if there's anyone to accompany me (i seriously doubt so), i may attend a party for 4th yrs at camden tmw. but most likely, i'd be alone in the vet clinic apt at night, using fb and dwelling into my own world of chinese pop.

that said, i do secretly want a blast. i've never had that. alternatively, some peace and quiet. so extreme! haha.

some of u asked me wad i'm gonna do for my birthday. i have no idea. main reason being i'm in sydney with no friends or family here with me. i'd call my family definitely, though i'm pretty sure they'll call me to wish me first. my mum actually already did in advance. lol! then also, i have to plans to celebrate it alone. i may do so and go sing some k. wad i really miss doing. and alone in the room, i shall sing wen lan's zhu wo sheng ri kuai le, then blow the candle flame off the cake i bought for myself. and emo for a while, and sing more k. just enoguh so that the hrs aren't too long, cos it's ex to sing k here, and i have to travel back to my apt. h... seems like i've had it planned out afterall! lol. but nah... it's too pathetic to do that.

finally, i just want it to be a good day. nice and all. thanks to ur wishes again!

hern

Don't you dare...

don't u dare go off and "ok, ok" me! i was helping you! fine. u wanna rot in ur world, i'll let u. i should have long ago but haven't. and i know that after this i'd still help u when u need it, or for that matter, don't need it.

all's well now!

yay for that! Thank God! i'm adapting well and things are getting better!

thanks for all ur concerns! i really appreciate it!

i just realised my previous post's title a bit no link. lol!

see ya later!

fb

ahh... my internet is horrible again now at haberfield. just keeps dc-ing every 2 minutes. how disruptive is that?! so irritating. can't do work, can't relax online...tsk!

and i'm so hard up on money now. but also not as though i was never. lol. well, i always check my acc on my phone line. it's a new line that i signed for a yr. double-checked and triple checked that it was a good deal compared to my previous one so i decided to sign up for it. so angry. i got cheated AGAIN! argh! my fault for not checking the call rates. it runs super fast. my international call are ex. but i found out that even if i made local calls, it would have been more expensive than international! weird. stupid aus! ok. so i figured i'd save more with this plan, right? so it's the 1st month and my bill not here yet. previously with optus, i can check my balance or spend immediately after call to make sure i don't go over my limit/cap. for 3, total spend only updated every night. fine. so i still check every night. so i found that i still have $30 worth of credits for the rest of the month. ok wad hor? then the following day, i made some calls. decent and controlled. but the next day i got a shock in the morn when i checked again. i went over by almost $40. so i spent $70 in one day?! damn! how is that?! i'm not the call/msg a lot type. i've never went over my phone/internet limit before in my life. i've been so cautious. why did this still happen. totally upset with the system. but i'm still on contract for 1 yr. damn. so i called them to clarify, even went down to the conuters to ask. nothing. they couldn't tell me anything. dunno dunno dunno. thanks. ok. so i'll do it myself, but how? i added this $5 thing to my bill now. so that i can have an extra 100 mins for international call. i need it to call my fam once in a while. i don't do it often, 2-3 times a month maybe. but still dunno y my bill went crazy. sigh. will live!

in a nutshell, i just moved to an old lousy place where i must get many things again. spent a lot. transport, food, stuff. and i gotta work for rent. phone and internet down. really hope it gets resolved soon. tried many things. i tot it may be distance, so i moved my lappy next to the modem to see. eh... if i move closer to the modem i dc less. but still, it dcs! how ah? anyone can help me? now i have to do everything in sch. tsk. dunno whether it was right to move. tot i could save but now i have spent more than i expected. plus i'm still paying rent for my old place till end of may. worth it? hope so. save me pls.

i love you, u love me? life is unfair. i know.

trivia:
A: you do happen to know that the hours clocked on facebook is not counted to your final grade right?
B: huh? really ah?

I'm moving again!

this time to a vet hospital further away from sch. but it's for experience, and i work for my rent.

so here's my new add:

Haberfield Veterinary Hospital
55 Ramsay St (Corner of Marion St)
Haberfield NSW 2045

ok. see yall!

homemade.

how thought-provoking, as i walked along my uni and this suddenly came up. out of nowhere!

why are we attracted to homemade things, which some commercial producers unscrupulously fake, such that we would prefer theirs to the 'real' commercial ones. by this, i am referring to food. how cny goodies boast to be homemade. just what is the definition of homemade, and why are we more attracted to them then the commercial ones.

the idea of having a 'healthier' choice since it's made by fellow consumers just like us, we assume what comes in an innocent tuperware or tin is yummy yet good for us. so homemade = healthier? like less sugar/oil? nah! homemade can be even more sinful, cos we seldom eat them. it's a once in a while indulgence. so yups, an accidental block of butter falls into the homemade batter. lol.

what really draws us to it then? my guess, which i believe many will agree with me, would be love, the feeling of home. when we see the word 'homemade', we recollect wonderful times with friends and family; memories of how food draws us together. indeed. it is those moments that we seek, and that subconsciously satisfying thought of home when we eat it.

home, is where the heart belongs. (this is were i start to sing tanya's home.) boy, i do miss home.

just got cheated... again

but there are good times, and even better ones ahead, waiting for me!

just a few random qoutes here:

1) there're good news and bad news. the good news is, there is no bad news. -.-
2) If it won't, it hasn't. If it will, has it? If it hasn't, will it? If it has, it has.
3) 皆、미인나. Everybody's beautiful.

system restore saved me once again!

though i really dun hope to need it again. what an adrenaline rush! wow. i'm super awake now.

thanks yongsheng for ur reminder. totally freaked out and forgot abt system restore.

ok. back to work, and 933! my secret link back into my world of chinese music. 最新歌曲九连环，不受干扰九三三！

加油！恒仔！

a teenee weenee bit of my life, a bit of easter

does it look like i'm advertising for the water? lol! i didn't pose for this ok! really! i didn't even know this was taken until i saw my firends album! lol. this was at cradle mountain in Tasmania.



i love animals. this was a really empty rural zone and a grp of goats with 1 sheep was at a backyard of somebody's house. no one was seen for miles. so i decided to walk towards them for a closer look. then they started to walk towards me too! and mehhhed!!! (the sounds they make) lol! one even got a zao sia meh. like : meheh... lol! i laughed at it for a while and felt sorry.
it was just a stopover/restpoint after a long drive. but this happened to be one of the main highlights of my road trip. i just love animals.

i feared touching them at first. with their strong horns i could be crushed easily. but their constant mehing soothed me and somehow i always have this connection with animals. they constantly reassured me that it was ok for me to approach. at first, i tot that they were probably bored cos no one bothered to look at them for maybe a few months?! but gradually i understood. they needed companionship, a human friend! i mean, having to work with farm animals for a yr now. i know that most would run away upon seeing ppl. it would be unusual for them to leave their herd and walk towards a human (cos they think u many eat them. seriously! they're prey in the wild, so it's instinct). but so many times, they approach me and let me pat them, like a dog. i feel so honoured. they're doing this for me. thank you animals. i love you.

have u heard about my dorry story? haha. if not nvm i'll update u abt it later.

mehh!

studies getting really stressful with the amt to absorb each day. with every click of the slide, comes a whole new page of terms to memorise. i tell u. i will finish the entire vet dictionary of 999999999999 new words by the end of my course! ah. medicine is tough. but i will endure on for the sake of animals! so much to study!

and for now... i need to go to the market to buy ingredients to cook dinner tonight for my housemates. bye!

to market...to market... to buy some fish... la la la la la *skips away happily, until he sees someone approaching and has to act 'normal' again. back to manly life. when will my reflection show show who i am inside~ and when can i be myself?*

so few, so slow...

my posts that is. i've either been too busy or too lazy to blog anymore. just like to read others'. but when i try, it's either too crappy, or too insignificant. with more and more friends closing down their blogs. maybe i should too, in a matter of time. i mean, i don't want blogging to end up being a chore. even as an avenue to vent my frustrations would mean that it is left as words online. a blog is for myself, as well as others close to me to know me better. i wouldn't want them to know anything gloomy happening in my life. cos i'm supposed to be the 'happy' person. things to hide... no more. time to shine... YES!

just came back from tasmania. nice place but wont be going back a second time. updates and photos on fb. with the 'ease' of fb, i guess that's one of the reasons why we blog less nowadays, other than outgrowing the need to blog or the want to write about our lives, or the unneccesities that come with postings. so hard to write something good on blogs nowadays!

oh man. really miss drama and music and theatre and all that media glory. need to get to that soon! and vet sch as well, definitely. getting tougher no doubt. and my studying is still too slow. i know... *slaps self*

love animals, love music.

you know why you're here

you always wanted to do this, and now that you're doing it, i want you to give it not just a shot, but your best, your very best.

it's 3rd week of sch, and i'm slacking way too much while others in my course read textbooks as bedtime stories. prepping! i need to lock myself in the library from now on!

studies aside, not that i'm supposed to (but guilty that i'm not too much into it either, it must change now!), some young pretty angmoh waitress was talking to my girlfrens and myself. then when she took a photo of us tgt, she complimented all of us. she said we all look really pretty, and turned to me and said to me. you especially. i was the only guy there, the thorn amongst the roses. but i'm not doubting her words, neither was she joking. I AM PRETTY, IN EVERY WAY! haha.

and lately, actually from sg, i started to like super junior m. didn't know i would ever like them, but i guess han geng and siwon, maybe henry too, are really idol quality. and i kinda like the first 2, like quite alot. haha. no, this is not allowed. back to reality, and sch! which i must do well in. jiayou! and FOCUS! hocus pocus...lol!

ok, back to bones and joints and muscles, and many more to come. yay!

time to start again!

and with this statement i hope to rejuvenate myself! studies before play! at least that's wad i'm telling myself and trying to do. look at me thinking this and yet having facebook on most of the time. major distraction!

ok. successfully enrolled in vet yesterday! thank GOD! and maybe able to apply for credits for animal husbandry, and if successful = save $$$ = save time to study for other subjects = YAY!

sch starts next week and this is my first entry upon arriving back in syd. miss home lah. as usual. time to do my own housework, get irritated with somethings, and cook! less internet usage allowed so no more vids... :( but! i'd entertain myself with books, vet books. mmmhmmm! yum slurps. haha!

haven't really told u abt my summer hols in sg. but it's a long one. so i'd just leave it to myself. lol. just can say. it was tiring even though i wanted it to be a relaxing one. having gotten myself into volunteering at jbp vet hosp, and then vietnam trip with my fam. fun but nonetheless, draining. and the constant sch admins, scholarship applications. ok but seriously, i need the scholarship! pray that i get it! PLS PLS PLEASE!!!!!!!!

ok, back to work,...........................or maybe a bit of fb first. haha.

love yall!

so fast, so sad

haha. such a cheesy title. yet so true depicting my feelings.

u know, it's the time again when my long summer hols in sg is coming to an end. 3 months was never long for me, and in 2 weeks it's back to syd and sch for me. at least it's vet, the only console. haha. ok. but really loved my hols. shall update more on my activities!

love, jord. :)