missing u...

I can't help it. I think of u all the time. and now that u're leaving on the 10th nov, I really dunno wad to do. whether my confession could bring me chances (i know the chances r so so low), or could from then on destroy the friendship (if this is the closest we can get, i appreciate it and rather not lose this.), i dunno how i shud face it. i dun wanna regret my decision, either revealing it to u or not. i dun even know whether or not u know i like u. sometimes u seem to know but other times u dun, maybe u know it's impossible so u choose to turn away the thought. but whenever i see u, i feel so exhilarated. dunno how i'm gonna deal with not seeing u after being able to see u all this while. many times, so so many times, i've got the strong urge to tell u the truth, about y i'm acting like that, and even wad i feel for u, but frens around me stopped me. i understand the chances are almost none. but i always feel that if i dun say i never will get a chance... at least u know. so in case u decide to take a chance on me, u know i'm available. it may not be now, but when u realise it next time, i dun wanna regret not letting u know and thus missing the great possibility. wad if it's mutual but u weren't sure if i was ok. nah... wad r the chances. i really wanna be with u... yet i dun wanna scare u away. i will hate myself for that. at least i'm still quite close to u now. wad if u rather not know and i tell u? will it be awkward when we meet up in future? sigh, all the uncertainties...

when i see u with s, i feel so happy for u both. seriously, u too r so compatible, so sweet, so ever-loving. that's y i know i m in no position to be with u. i dun wanna spoil all this (not like i have the ability anyway), but i cant stop myself from falling for u. my heart is with u all the time, though i dun think u know. the real reason y i didn't wanna see s was cos i knew i couldn't take it. i'd have mixed feelings, half of me wishing u both the best and wanting to see u get married have kids and live that wonderful life u both would definitely have yet the other half of me feels envious and angry with myself for being the way i m, for acting and feeling for u like that. despite wanting u two to be together, i want it too. really trying to save myself. Lord save my soul from final demnation!

Everything.Super.Yields.Jordan