can't really say i'm in such a bad situation now. i mean, i'm really considered fortunate to have so many good things and ppl around me. thank god for family and true great friends, who showed me all the support i need.
can't help one thing though. my attention seeking, self denying nature is getting on my nerves. i always thought the empty hole was my zeal for the uncanny resemblance of partnership, or probably just my desire to hold on. what wishful thinking. i'm so over this, or at least i finally have to. doing all this led to nowhere but misery and definitely more emoness. have i done the right thing to reveal or am i just a slut. haha. bet u guys agree on that. i need care and love ppl, that's why i'm doing wad i'm doing, to get myself out of this self-pitying state. how can alternatives bring the surfacing of true characteristics of me without compromising on great quality that i've been emphasizing on? should i give up, and even so will i? am i willing to? no, hurting myself seems ultimate pleasure to my sullen state. my mind (or my heart can't help it) nonetheless, i'm trying even if to no avail. heck it as long as it doesn't hurt anyone or myself. show me the love...
ok, sydney here i come! oh and before that...taiwan! haha.
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