Can't wait!

it has been confirmed! unless something happens... choi choi! i'd be back in sg by night of 29 june! so so excited! never been this excited when i'm returning to my own country! can't wait for so many things! fam, frens, food... ahhhh! everything! ppl! we MUST meet up k! cos i've only got a short 3 weeks in sg. then i've gotta return to sydney for my 2nd sem.

AHHH! can't wait. as for now, i seriously need to study hard for my exams which is in a few days! after which, i'll move house, then... fly back! this time for real!

See ya soon! for real too!

Ideal together?

i always knew i shud have given up. i have, but... i know that i shouldn't put my heart and time into something i know for sure isnt gonna happen. but i just cant help it. the more i think, the more i fell the ideal nature of having each others' company. seeing others together is the time when the sadness sinks in the most, biting u from the core. i wan it so bad but the real pull is when i know its never possible for me. i try to be optimistic bout it. but seriously, wad r the chances... have just been a few hrs apart and i'm like that already...

on a lighter note, ORD loh! eh? nono, wrong event... haha. i meant, Last day of sch! but dun start all celebrations just yet, cos the thing is... exams in a week! sigh. more studying. i need full marks and i will work for it! *determined look* haha.

today, was at camden. milked cows! dairy- Holstein frester breed? oh no. forget le. need to re-memorise. and they shit and pissed everywhere! but that will never stop me from trying! cos i love animals too much! and we also went down to the calves area. they were so cute! i held out my hand for them to suckle! so sweet! my whole hand was literally inside its mouth. haha. a lot of saliva though. mooo! pics shall be uploaded in a few days. sorry! haha.

agent called us and we got the apartment! yeah! shall sign the papers and pay the bond and rent soon! before it 'flies' away! yeah... and u know wad that means?! i may be able to come back in my jul hols after all! cos my housing was my worry. if i left without a place to put all my stuff safely and have no place to stay when i return, i cant leave till i settle it. and now that it's nearly settled... my hands r reaching to the air ticket counters! wait for me!

see ya soon! i hope!

it finally came and went like a breeze

My 21st birthdya in Sydney... small scaled but better than i expected, since i thought i'd be having no one to celebrate with!

it started with the surprise the day b4 my bdae. my fam ordered a cake online and the bakery sent it to my place. and when i was asked by reception to collect, i was greeted by balloons and a gorgeous cake! i'll show u the pic some day. looks good, tastes great! thx sis! u know my taste well.

for dinner, the girls and justin cooked a western dish for me! pan-seared fish with sauted veg and mash. yum. they wanted to treat to to a meal and relive my cooking duties for a day. but i can't stop cooking. so i added 2 dishes, calamari and hot pepper soup. ham: go chu jang cho a he yo! then at night, we had a mini celebration in my room with the grp of unilodge sg frens. ate cake sing song, chatted. thx for the usyd jacket!

the next day, after sch (at 5PM!), ko chan and me went for karaoke at chinatown. sing until no voice. singing skills deprove like crazy. ko chan sings well, all in jap though. haha. then we went for a jap dinner in QVB. oh. the pork ramen was so good! the soup is sweet. the meat so tender chopsticks could easily pull them apart. then we headed to the point for light drinks. cheap booze... after that, we went back for him to try my cake. and we finished to whole thing. haha. actually only left 2 slices lah. then, we walked to the bus stop. as he boarded the bus and it drove away, the clock from unilodge clock tower struck 12, and i turned back into a toad. nono. that's not how it ends. i went back to my room. thx ta, for spending my bdae with me!

I want to thank all who wished me thru all ur interesting and sweet ways. i know it's hard to get me when i'm overseas! thx for ur cards, wishes, texts, calls! and the bdae song vid from jgyys! so gan donged when i open the attachment!

love yall! zhu wo sheng ri kuai le...(wen lan)

sheep restraining

loved it! finally something to do with animals hands on!

went to camden on fri. 2 hrs train plus car. i jumped into the enclosure immediately after the demonstration of how to restrain a sheep, and enthusiastically ran towards the sheep flock. they ran everywhere! i caught one and guided it against the fence, held up it's neck so it cant move forward, twisted his head facing backwards, force it to 'sit' sidewards on its bum, and put one of its front leg behind one of urs. so basically, the sheep is relaxed yet not moving, so u can dance with it! procedure sounds hurtful to the sheep but its actually not painful at all. it's head is in between ur legs and u check its teeth, hooves, genitals. fun! learnt loads. and i actually volunteered to do drafting! i mean, i seldom volunteer cos shy. but i really wanted to try as much as possible. my ~passion~ for animals! so i separated the merinos from the 1st crosses as they ran thru the fences. so fast they ran! and i 'kiapped' a few of them as i tried to split them from each other but they had the heads on others' bums. haha!

sorry for the boring procedures. but i'd love to do it again. simply love animals.

it was tiring, chasing and forcing the sheep to sit. it stepped on my boots and it dented in. lol. need overalls but so ex cos next next week the cattle milking they say shit splashes everywhere and they shit all the time. but so ex. if only i in sg, then use emart online to order technician suit and steel capped boots. can utilise it and save $.

i was catching my breath and looked at the 'sianed diao' sheep in between my legs i restrained. and i felt sorry for it and i apologised and promised to be gentle. it couldn't really move though comfortably sitting down, and was also catching its breath. haha seems like the process was tiring for both of us! it looked at me with its huge eyes as i pulled down its lips to check teeth, and it looked so innocent and cute! i love the soft wool beneath all the dirt. and i told it, "i'm gonna have lamb chops." haha! so evil right!

we also got to hug baby lambs. aiyoh. really wanna work in the zoo leh.

guide and be guided

when u're lucky enough to be guided. u shud believe. and if not yet, believe and u'll be guided. spread the message. i'm lucky to be able to believe and be guided.

no ppl. u guys will NEVER defeat me again. i have been there and i'll never allow that to happen again. kiss my fat ass!

some time to bhb

my hair. i finally can show u! though it hardly looks like that now...too lazy to style. haha.



this is my fringe



the back.



me being really happy about it. haha



posing...



more posing... haha

ok. enough. hope u dun get disgusted k.

should i? would u?

actually the title was just to entice ppl. haha. dun get me wrong! i was just thinking whether i shud have a birthday party. i mean afterall. it's my big 21st which is supposedly the biggest one i wouls celebrate with all my friends and family. but i'm not. and i know i can never go back tot he day i turn 21. sigh. i wanna organise something nice.

u know wad i want to do on my birthday? have loads of fun for a long duration and meet up with all my friends. and it happens at different times so i get to talk to all my friends individually. and of course, i'll bring my fam out for a gorgeous night at some atas restuarant. i'll treat. cos it's the day my mum went thru pain to bring me to the world. i was thinking 100 per person. so i can finally go somewhere where i can love all the food i see on tv and have a atas life for a while. somewhere with desserts... the line at shang? or some chinese or japanese or tepanyaki? *drooling*

i was thinking about fake personalities the other day. not emoing, just thinking. i've been seriously thinking about my constant unhappiness. wad cheers me up? i need to do something about it. so i thought, and thought, and thought. and this is wad i came up with so far.

when i don't express myself fully, ppl seem to like me better. i tend to be more outspoken when i'm more fake. but ppl like that side of me cos i become more bubbly and fun to be with. so i become happier. but it's fake! so knowing that i'm not so true with myself, i become sad. haha, i know... so drama. so i return to my quiet self and ppl think i'm weird. so i'm now real but sad. y ah, y must be so like that?

i checked with a few frens to make sure i ain't being paranoid, and asked them about thier first impressions of me. and the ans are generally: i dun rmb. that's not bad, but not good either. not that i wanna be noticed. so tired of being in a dark cave where all u see is darkness or rock walls that creeps danger. ok. abit kua zhang. haha.

i haven't come out yet. cos not everyone may accept it for who i m. so i cannot totally involve myself. i constantly hold back ideas or words and give a neutral reply when i really just wanna be truthful and say was i think. the suppression of the true self is killing me.

once again, i'm living in singapore. being disillusional. seeing my friends over here when they obviuosly aren't. even those who i weren't close to i wanna meet. me ah... dunno wad i'm thinking. and missing out on all the 21st is real hard! i look at all the bdae parties and invitations and photos on fb and i always so wish i were there! sigh. wad can i do? so, u think i shud have my own celeb at the end of the yr to sub the one i didn't have on my actual bdae? will u come? then again... will anyone come?